The first exercise in "The Curated Closet" involves detailed observation, behavioural patterns and making lists. The tiny control freak data nerd in my could not have been happier. For two whole weeks I was to live my life as is and make detailed lists of what I did and wore each day. The idea here is to establish the patterns of activities you actually partake in - as opposed to the wishlist of things you wished you were doing instead.
For example, I was under the illusion (delusion?!) that I still attended client meetings and therefore needed to look put together. Part of that is that back when I did have client meetings to go to - namely when I was at the ABC - I was often the youngest and one of two women in the the room. Instead of feeling empowered by the distinction, I decided to hide away behind shoulder pads and all-black getups. I was a serious creative, damn it!
Regardless of how i felt in those scenarios, my current reality could not be farther from that. BlueChilli has a very casual environment - too casual, some might insist! People rock up in t shirts and sneakers. Shorts and flip flops are the norm whenever the weather is over 18 degrees.
I have to admit that I often find the Australian laid-backness a bit oppressive. It's ok to be relaxed and everything, but I like a sense of occasion, of time and place. As much as I want people to feel comfortable bringing their whole selves to work, I also want to feel that i'm at work when I'm at the office. It's strange that I often feel pressure to dress down or "relax" when I'm in social or work events. "Why are you so dressed up?" "Are you going somewhere fancy after this?" It makes me feel uncomfortable to field questions that make me feel like I don't belong. I'm sure they are not meant to make me feel like that - but they do. The idea that someone should or should not be dressed a certain way is very antiquated. It is also the opposite of laid back, which is the ultimate irony. Why are Australians so obsessed with appearing more relaxed than we are?!
I'm getting off topic here.... The list-making was proving to be quite a revelatory exercise when it came to my current reality. Sure, I didn't have to go to "client" meetings - but being Head of People at BlueChilli is a leadership position, but internally and externally. I am the face of the company at events and meetups, and I am a proxy to my boss and the strategic business goals when we meet with founders and other partners. I still had a responsibility to be seen with authority, togetherness and care.
And look, maybe this "laid-backness" was contagious after all, but lately I have noticed that I have been dropping my game quite a bit. Seeing my day in lists revealed that I had the same old predictable things on rotation: black-on-black, jeans and a sweater, heels and leather pants. For something that would normally bring me so much a creative outlet and joy, getting dressed in the morning was no longer fun. It had become a utilitarian chore - something that I had to do in the morning.
Even worse, I had a closet full of things that I didn't use anymore - and I was still accumulating things. In the course of my 2 weeks of observation, I had 3 different online parcels arrive - all of which I had forgotten about by the time I got them. None of this was a good sign.
After the 2 weeks were over I took a good look at the list, determined to harvest some insightful learnings from it. And boy, did I ever! I was stuck in a rut - and it was a clutter rut of my own making....
Lessons from the list:
- What used to be "chic black-on-black" had now become predictable, mindless monochrome. I wasn't being minimalist, I was being boring.
- I don't actually look that great in black. My colouring is pretty warm so black, particularly close to my face, strangely washes me out (particularly in photos).
- In spite having no less than 12 pairs of black pants (jeans, leather, trousers...) I had worn the same pair of black jeans 4 times in one week.
- I wear pants every day. Every single day.
- I use my bags as the centrepiece of the outfit, as opposed to the accent.
- There are things in my closet I don't wear because I can't see them. My closet is way too crowded.
- There are things in my closet I don't wear because I am missing some real basics.
- I could wear the same shoes every single day and not notice.
So now I have something to work with.... But I was starting to feel defeated. I had been at this for two weeks and all I had was the discovery that I sucked at something that used to bring me joy and that I had apparently made a lot of really bad - not to mention expense - purchasing choices. Was this every going to start being fun?
I really hope so.
xClaudia